Hoarding: How to Help a Loved One Declutter

The issue of hoarding has recently gathered a great deal of attention, particularly due to news reports and popular television shows.  However, hoarding is not a new or a small problem. The problem of hoarding has been documented since the turn of the century and is thought to significantly affect nearly 15 million Americans, many of them elderly. A great article recently appeared in the Boston Hearald dealing with the clinical aspects of Hoarding.  Unfortunately, research has been lacking in this area – until now.

On July 14, 2010, a Bellingham, Massachusetts couple and their dog were found dead in their home.  The ultimate factor in their deaths: hoarding.  Authorities deduced that 75-year-old Richard Lamphere tripped on a pile of trash, fell on top of his wife, 62-year-old Susan Abraham and one of their dogs.  Lamphere died instantly from head injuries; Abraham was severely injured in the fall and died later from her wounds.  Police confirmed that the couple were hoarders.  They had trash and belongings piled everywhere inside their home.  The conditions were uninhabitable and clearly unsafe. For the full story, see this article.

When assessing the severity of a loved one’s hoarding situation, several questions are important to remember:

• Can the occupant access doors in case of an emergency?
• Does he have access to the kitchen to prepare and store food?
• Can he access the bathroom facilities? Can the bathtub/shower be utilized?
• Can the resident safely reach their bed or have they made other sleeping arrangements?
• Are the home’s mechanical systems in working order (electrical, plumbing, heating)?
• Are pets being cared for?
• What health hazards are present (mold, decaying food, bodily waste, etc.)

If the basic needs of an occupant cannot be met, then it is time to consider intervention.

The difficulty with trying to help a hoarder is that most of them do not seek or want any “help”.  In fact, hoarders typically do not comprehend that they actually have a problem.  Thus, attempts to “clean out” or assist a loved one in “tidying up” his or her home should be done with care and patience.  And, although perhaps difficult, refrain from making judgments.

Tips to aiding someone who hoards include encouraging them and helping them establish new relationships.  Gently remind them that their grandchildren will be able to come and visit if they clean their house.  Perhaps it is time to participate in a local community activity for seniors.  If they are busy with other activities or plans, then getting rid of “stuff” may seem less consequential to them.  Many local companies specialize in professional, home organziation and cleanouts. Additionally, you may look into a hiring a certified home maker a few hours a week to keep up with housework and tackle clutter habits.

As a last resort, do not be afraid to contact the authorities or professional help.  Let someone else be the “bad guy”.  The story of a local hoarder who has made progress over the years can be found here.

Finally, a temporary or limited Guardianship may be necessary, at least until improvements can be made for the individual’s overall safety.   For more information and advice contact your local Elder Services or area Agency/Council on Aging.

Elder Mediation: A Great Option to Diffuse Family Tensions When Planning for Elder Care

Can’t we all just get along?  

I see it more and more and it really saddens me: families unable to “get along” when it comes to decision making for elder loved ones. It can be as simple as whether Mom and/or Dad need to meet with an Elder Law Attorney, to concerns over finances and inheritance issues, to whether siblings agree on who should serve as primary caregiver, and/or to whether assisted living/nursing home care is necessary.

Often as family members age, family dynamics can become more complicated. Conflicts that have simmered below the surface can boil up and make conversation impossible. Sometimes the elders are involved in the discussions, but unfortuntately sometime they are too far gone to meaninfully participate.

Either way, even the most harmonized family can sometimes hit a bad note or two and require some assistance.

(Dun, dun, dun, dun!) Enter the Elder Mediator. Mediation provides an opportunity for the Elder and all concerned members of the family to participate in creating a thoughtful plan for future. In most cases Elder Law Attorneys can act as Elder Mediators with certain issues. However the scope of the disagreements can often rest in other issues that are not related to the elder law topic. An Elder Mediator, working closely with your Elder Law Attorney, is trained to assist families in identifying the real issues, separating them from the crucial issues of planning for elder care, and developing the best plan of care.

National Public Radio has recognized the usefulness of elder mediation for families dealing with aging issues.

As baby boomers age and options for their care increase, we will all face many difficult choices concerning how we handle transitions during our elders’ declining years. Families will have to be able to evaluate resources, options and develop flexible strategies to support their elders. Even when not legally competent to make decisions, it is important to include an elder’s wishes and expressed preferences when putting a plan into place. Elder mediation is a rational first step for families to help them address their changing needs while enhancing problem solving/communications skills and avoiding messy litigation.

Why I Also Make Housecalls

While some clients book traditional consultations at my office, I always make myself available for home visits with my clients. While the idea of a housecall has gone the way of black & white televisions, I find that meeting clients in their home, on their “turf,” helps make what is usually an emotional process, a bit more comfortable. In their home, clients tend to be more relaxed and at ease. The conversation goes a different way and I can sense the pride they have in sharing their home with someone. Coffee and tea flow more easily and taste better from your favorite mug than a styrofoam cup.

As an elder law attorney, our conversation eventually moves to the business at hand and it’s much much easier for a client to get an idea of what they’ll be leaving behind if the items are right there. Important paperwork is never forgotten as it’s right where the client always keeps it. Clients tend to be more thoughtful and less distracted when in a familiar environment. With so much legal language to deal with, it’s better for a client to be relaxed and more attentive.

Ultimately, a home visit allows me to get to know my client and understand their needs better. It gives me the chance to be attentive to them without outside distraction. With seniors, I can also see their current state of living, if they have all the things they need and maybe attend to some previously unaddressed issues. What many might see as a bother – a housecall – I consider an honor and a blessing.